About Being A Wife..

Dear JZ,

For a hot second, I was going to title this “How to Be A Good Wife” and then I did that snort-laugh, Wayne’s World, “shaa..right..as if..” thing. 

Today, is our 16 year anniversary. To be honest, I am pretty sure I have been a crap wife. At least, I know I have failed at the “good wife” thing far more than I have succeeded.

For instance, I think I have probably yelled more than I spoke unsolicited kindness. I have held grudges for too many days, and withheld full forgiveness for even longer. In my desire to be “as beautiful as..” or “as good as..” I have wounded you with my comparison-fueled, self-doubt, I know I have. I have pushed away hugs, giving attention to the “busy” of the day instead of you. I have not listened as much as I talked. I have not always heard you, even when I did listen, and I have let fear stop my words, keeping me from encouraging your dreams and plans. 

Also, I can nag..which is the ultimate show of crappy wife-ing.  

There have been years in this life together where my laughter and my tears were not in balance and crying just came more easily. 

So, clearly, there is no way I could ever write anything titled “How to Be A Good Wife” 

However, I am the absolute best one to author a post on how to be your wife, because I am the expert. I know how to love you, because in all the world, I know you best. 

I know what makes you laugh that super loud, gut-chuckle, that makes me feel like the funniest person in the world (truthfully, I am very funny, so you really should laugh that hard at all my jokes..) I know your intentions are good, that you sometimes go off-course but you love me and our three sons, with everything you’ve got. I know you love to give hugs, huge all-enveloping bear hugs, that make people gravitate toward you (if the career falls through maybe “Hug Therapist” could be a thing?) I have also seen the gentle way you hug your Grandma and it melts my very soul. It always reminds you are a man who can be trusted with the treasured people in our life. 

I know we both know that fairytales are called fairytales because they are fairytales. 

Marriage, love, life..its hard (anyone who tells you differently is selling a fake version of themselves..don’t buy it!) We both know that the deeper you love someone, the easier it is to wound them. We have done that — with words and actions. 

We also know that sometimes you might get right to the edge in a relationship and have to decide, can you hang on or is it better to let go? 

We have enough years in us now to know that “being in love” is absolutely based on feeling and that feeling comes and goes. 

We are old enough to know that sometimes it comes down to the most boring, unromantic, understanding that love does not keep you together – but keeping your promises will; commitment will. 

We have learned that when you sail through the angry, sad, distant, dark, or stormy times on feelings, you start to take on water, you begin to drown.  

We have proven that if you ride through the storms of life on a sheer determination to make it, the seas calm and love is renewed. 

Love is born (and reborn) from the hard work of faithfulness, and promise keeping. 

Together, we have learned so much. 

Independent of you, I have no idea how to be a good wife. 

But for 16 years I have learned to be your wife. 

It has been an honor. 

You are loved. 

Thank you for putting up with my faults and still seeing my goodness; thank you for being mine. 

❤️ – S

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