I knew I needed to write yesterday.
The words were swirling (as they often are) through my head all day – demanding to be written before making sense.
I had no idea where to start, what I wanted to say.
I wasn’t exactly ready to climb mountains -with words or in actuality.
In actuality.. I wasn’t even actually sure I could muster strength to climb a set of stairs, let alone a mountain.
This working full time..mom-ing full time..life-ing full time.. thing, is beating on me right now.
I wasn’t exactly defeated, either
I was just a mess of unwritten words, unexpressed thoughts and confusion.
I tried to write at 6:00 pm
I deleted it all.
At 7:00 I tried again, attempting humor and a false brightness.
Deleted that mess.
At 9:00 my mind was whirling, but my screen was blank..
At 10:00 pm a conversation had my eldest son (almost 18, a wrestler & a varsity football player who – over the last year – has morphed into a musical theatre guy) telling me how much he dislikes the songs from “Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” and had set me to thinking about a bible study I had done once, studying the life of Joseph.
At 11:00 pm, I found the book.
As I turned the book over, I ran my fingers down the smooth cover, skimming and coming to rest on these words:
Do You Feel Restless?
Oh Lord – you know I do.
Restless, overwhelmed, fatigued, stressed, sad, incompetent.
Like I’ve been running a race, on hard pavement, at a fast clip – everything passing me at higher speeds.
Moments, people and scenery blurring – too fast to touch, to grab, to see.
A race that seems, really, too hard for a gal with a very fa-la-la, creative, “look at the pretty trees, guys!” meandering, faith-filled heart. A heart not seeming to have been designed to handle this race.
But liking it or not..
Restless for change..
Overwhelmed or not..
Here I am.
I have no answers as to why this is the plan right now.
Or how to change it.
Or if I even should.
This just is what it is.
It isn’t funny (sorry dear readers! Stay tuned, I’ll be funny again..I hope..if not, my sister Amy will be writing again soon..hang in there!..) or motivating or victorious.
It’s where I am.
And inside the smooth cover of that book, on a blank page, I had written a note to myself.
I’ll leave you (and myself) with those words, as a new day is now beginning:
We may have a very long time until we see the sense in our story, but we can rest assured that God is not writing a senseless tale. Like any amazing story – the middle, the beginning or the end would all seem senseless apart from each other. We trust the Author and we stay the course. This moment? Is just one chapter. More is yet to come…❤
Trusting today is being written by an amazing Author,