..And then I started a new job.

(Starting mid blog because … that’s where I am right now.. out of everything required to give in full..)

I am the new girl.
That new hire.
The one who just started.

The fish outta water.

I am singing the “First Week New Company I Dont Know How To Do Anything, I Can’t Remember Names” blues.

Exhaustion has me singing it off key.

I find I am stressed.
And filled with anxiety.

Anxiety wakes me from the precious few hours I have to sleep, stealing from me, because that thief – anxiety – always does.

I feel like a handcuffed juggler praying that the rules of gravity suddenly change.

Tonight, I cried.
I have cried every night this week.
I told God again that I can’t do all this, that I can’t be enough.
I  told God how I am doing a whole ton of stuff but not doing anything well.

I feel like less than enough of a wife.
I am a less than enough friend.
I am a pathetic mess of a “not enough” kinda Mama (that’s the one really breaking me right now).

And as I explained (yelled) this at God.
I heard this:

“Did you ask for the increase?”

Well, I..see..the thing is that..umm…
No. No, I didn’t.

“No, you didn’t. I didn’t ask you to be enough or to give it all or to give Me more than you could..I asked you to open yourself up, to do what you could, to hand over what you held and then -this part is important – I will give the increase.
Through my power, not your own, you become More Than Enough.”

Open my hands.
Give what I have.
God gives the increase.

What a sweet plan, God.

Let’s do it that way.

For now God, if you could multiply and increase the restorative power of tonight’s rest, that would be amazing.

Increasing in Faith and Authentically Yours,
“I planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase” 1 Corinthians 3:6

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