Lightening from a blue sky.
A spin out on a clear day.
A fall from secure footing.
The unsinkable – sinks.
Sometimes, a day is like that.
Today was my day.
Ever had that happen?
When a sunshiney, happy afternoon turned painful?
You feel your heart burst with sorrow. You feel your body weighed down with the burden of it all.
Like your very bones are exhausted suddenly.
It turned so quickly for me, today.
And it was even more of a bummer because, although I vowed to stay authentic with you all in the writing of this blog, I had also hoped to stay..well.. happy.
At least for this one night.
But like it or not, sometimes being authentic means you tell your full length story – not just the highlight reel.
And please know, I am not speaking of a major tragedy.
Just a major heartbreak.
Betrayal; verb (my own definition): an unexpected pain that hurts more than it really should because you considered its source to be incapable of betrayal.
When pain comes charging in from a person you trust? Yes, the act of betrayal itself hurts, of course, but it’s that shattered trust that’ll really getcha’.
That pain coming in from left field.
From just beyond your peripheral vision.
That’s where I find myself tonight.
Perhaps you’ve been there?
Crying and praying, I wrote out this word: Exoskeleton.
What a strange word, am I right? Unless you are about to take a third grade Life Science test, its not likely a word you’ve used recently.
I searched up the definition as I continued to pray “Lord, if exoskeleton is the word for my blog, I may need a whole lot of help making both my night and now that word into something beautiful..”
Here you go, my friends.
The word was from the Lord, the definition from the fine folks at Google:
Exoskeleton – a rigid external covering for the body.. providing both support and protection.
And all this weary girl could think was “yes Lord, please be that for me tonight.”
When betrayal and pain come, something inside breaks down. The failable structure of “self” isn’t enough. Betrayal and hurt demand more than we can sustain on our own. So we need to run to The Shelter that can support and protect, where we can find a sound place in which to heal.
Perhaps “exoskeleton” doesn’t speak to you? I get it, it’s a strange word (but I just followed God on that one).
Let me tell you the other words I am clinging to tonight…
All names of our God who is, Himself, the protective space in which we are safe to gather strength, rest and heal.
Betrayed, Yet Sustained and Protected and Authentically Yours,
“He will cover you with His feathers,
and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day” Psalm 91:4-5