I went spinning.
My summer started out with a pleasant chaos that did not allow for much time to think.
My children had their last day of school for the year, my job watching a little one in my home ended with goodbyes, tears and tantrums (all mine) family came into town and then I traveled down south with my sons for a week long vacation.
Yesterday, it all stopped.
The crashing halt.
The sudden slow down.
And as we drove the final hours to home last night, as the streets and land become familiar and recognizable, I recognized something else..the feelings of anxiety building within.
Worry (entering my home state)
Apprehension (look -the county line..)
Disquiet (back in town already?)
Panic (our driveway – I should probably get out of the car..)
My thoughts spinning “Lord, now what? I have no job. No plan. I feel lost in the shuffle with no clear purpose. I have no value if I can’t find a way to bring in a paycheck. And I am not needed at home – my boys are no longer babies. There is nothing defined about my life, no tangible thing I can hold up at the end of a day and say ‘see this World? I did THIS today!’ So how..where…what next? What can I DO, God?”
My thoughts swirled with the constant motion of worry. Spinning in circles.
But here is the thing I am realizing this morning:
Worry does nothing more than fill and occupy the space meant for joy.
..but in the still place where my heart is in full reliance on God for every moment..
..in the un-spinning peace where I simply trust..
Only in that peaceful place can I stop the exhausting spinning to be still and just watch with joy as The One Who Perfectly Spins The Planets and The Stars unfolds the plans He has for me.
After I wrote the above words, I went to look up the “do not worry” verses in Matthew (see below).
The verse I was looking for contained the word “spin”.
And while I know that the context for the word “spin” in this verse is likely more a reference to making clothing, I was still stunned and in awe of my very personal God.
It. Was. The. Same. Word.
Deep breath. He’s got this. He’s got me.
Joyfully Stilling The Spin and Authentically Yours,
“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” Matthew 6:27-29