Last night I hit “publish” on the first post of this blog and knew I could not turn back. I didn’t want to. It had been so easy, so pure. God said “right now..write now” and I did.
This morning, however, I began to panic. Sure, I thought I heard Him urge me to write – but since I have no idea what to write next, perhaps I got the format wrong. Perhaps I heard “a blog, which will require much MORE writing” and really what He was trying to say was something closer to “write a nice post-it note, place it in your sons lunchbox.” I was just scared – very scared. I walked around all day with a knot in my stomach, thinking “Now what, God? What if I never have anything else to say? What do You even want me to say?” The thing is I “heard” my calling to write from my heartbeat and everyone knows – even if you speak heart, the dialect can be highly confusing.
So I carried on with my day, figuring I would come on here at some point and confess to you all that I was struggling with a complete failure of confidence (on day TWO, can you even??!) or perhaps even just avoid the blog completely. Then this evening I found myself at the store where I witnessed an extremely amusing and illuminating exchange between a young boy and his mom. The boy was begging for his mom to buy him a Lunchable – and clearly he REALLY needed this particular lunch kit for tomorrow
“But Mom, pleeeeeaaaase?”
“Honey, I could just make this for you.”
“Mom, I don’t think you can. Do you even have the stuff you need?”
“I do! I have all of this. It will probably even taste better.”
“Are you sure, Mom? Because these guys have COMMERCIALS. I’ve seen ‘em. Its supposed to be really cool.”
At the “commercial” part, I laughed a bit. But the whole thing really spoke right to my heart.
Trust. Trust, is SUCH a thing.
I tell people all the time how I believe that God is sovereign..that He is in charge, directing and planning my life. That He has a purpose for me and has a race laid out for me to run. And I DO believe that. But..um..I just wish He would let me know some of His plans in advance. I mean, not everything! I don’t need to know the day of my death, or if my kids will ever learn to do their own laundry – I would just love to call a few “phase planning” meetings, you know?
For example, if He could just say “Well, in this next phase – Phase 1 – you will write a blog. Here are the titles, the subjects, the actual words you will write and the dates you should publish them. And then in Phase 2 you will….” and so on.
Yes, if He would only do that it would be perfect. Then life would be my Lunchable! I will have seen the commercial, know it looks pretty cool and I am sure I could then be calmer, never panic and…never learn trust.
Trust. Something I clearly needed to learn.
So tonight I decided to look up the definition of trust:
- firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
And there it was. The very thing my life was missing-I am not sure I have ever allowed myself to just surrender to trusting God. I have a sneaking feeling that when I learn to trust Him with each present moment of my life, I will suddenly stop asking Him to reveal my future. Trust = a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, and strength of HIM.
But as I read the dictionary entries of “trust” there was also this:
confidence placed in a person by making that person the owner of property to be held or used for the benefit of one or more others.
That’s it, guys..
I don’t want to simply trust in God for the moments and the plans of my life, I want my very life to be held – forever – IN trust by God. I want to trust in Him but also know that I am safely and securely held, being used by Him to be a benefit to others.
In a way, it is the understanding that He is the one holding my life – and overseeing that it will be used in the best way possible – which will enable me to face the future with excitement and free from worry.
I want to learn to trust in the Trust in which I am held – I am His.
Trustingly His and Authentically Yours,
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8